Asunder
by LSMunch
Summary: Instead, that same helpless look that had been on her face when she walked in was radiating from her. After a moment in which she seemed to be thinking over his words, she said, “I quit.”


Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: A bit of a post ep for Asunder, back in s2.

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He opened his door to find her standing there. Without saying anything, he grasped her arm lightly and pulled her inside. The look on her face scared him. Helpless. She was never helpless. In the year and a half he had known her, she had been almost everything but helpless. It wasn't in her nature to let something beat her. She fought it tooth and nail, like she was still doing, or at least that's what he had thought. Looking at her now, he could see he was wrong. He could see that even as his partner, as his friend, she hadn't let him see just how deep this cut. How much her heart was bleeding.

He sat her on the couch and went into the kitchen. When he came back, he had two mugs of tea in his hands, one of which he set on the coffee table, the other he handed to her. He sat next to her, facing her, his one leg pulled up so his knee was against the back of the couch. She sipped tentatively at the hot tea, and then just held the mug, looking at the couch, trying to decipher it's strange pattern. He allowed the silence to prevail, giving her time to gather her thoughts, or to begin the conversation. When it seemed as if she wouldn't, he prompted quietly, "What happened?"

She looked up at him, as if just realizing where she was. "Do you think what I'm doing is right?"

He inhaled slowly and held it for a moment. This was dangerous territory. If he said he thought she was wrong, he'd surely get his ass kicked, but if he said she was right... he still might get his ass kicked. _What the hell,_ he thought. "I think you should be taking some time off, reassessing some things." He held up a hand before she could say anything. "You're a great cop, Monique. A great cop. But even great cops need to step back now and then. And this unit... we've all gotta take a step back, get things in the right order before jumping back in. It's a good thing they caught you before you jumped too far and fell off a cliff. Now, whether you want to or not, like it or not, you have to put things in the right order. It's not meant to be an attack on your personal life, it's meant to be a life preserver. Something to throw out and pull you back in."

To his surprise, she didn't say anything when he was finished. She didn't even look angry. Instead, that same helpless look that had been on her face when she walked in was radiating from her. After a moment in which she seemed to be thinking over his words, she said, "I quit."

"What?" He had been sure she would stick through it all. And now she had _quit?_

"Cragen talked to me today. And I quit. I left your partner to sit with my gun and badge."

The two words 'your partner' echoed in his head. They hurt more than he realized they ever could. By acknowledging what he had begun to believe as the weeks wore on, she had explained better than any other words could have explained her look of hopelessness. In the past weeks, he had reassured her that the man who sat across from him was only temporary, she'd be back before long. But the last couple weeks had him thinking Fin was there for good, whether he liked it or not, and he most certainly did not like it.

"What'd he say?"

"What I was doing in my personal life was the equivalent of eating my gun."

Her voice held the same helplessness as the rest of her body and it made his chest ache. The sudden desire to hug her, hold her in his arms and try to make her forget about everything was almost overwhelming, and only be telling himself that his efforts would only be rebuffed, at the very least, and get his ass kicked at the most. Instead, he settled for taking her mug, placing it on the table, and taking her hands in his. She looked up at him in surprise. "You need to do what you think is right, and I'll try and back you up, just like partners do. We're still partners, no matter what the Department or the Brass says and no matter who is sitting across from me. And I think, as your _partner,_ that you should drop the suit. I know you think that they have no business being in your business, but they gotta watch out for their own, and that includes everyone from the commissioner to Officer Smith walkin' a beat. You fall under that. Just think, there are jobs who wouldn't give a damn if you up and died. They'd just replace you. You're in a job where not only your squad cares about you, but you've got the Department tryin' to make you take some time. Believe me, Monique, steppin' back now and then isn't all that bad. I've done it a time or two. It helps, especially when you can't figure out what can help you."

Her head was bowed and he assumed she was looking at their hands. He gave hers a little squeeze. "I've never known a stronger woman," he whispered. "And it's been an incredible experience working with you, and I loved every minute of it. But when it's time to let go, it's time to let go. Fighting only makes it worse. I'll think no less of you for stepping back. Hell, makes you look better, if ya ask me."

She looked at him. "'What am I gonna do now?"

"Drop the suit, sit down, and think about things. At the very least, think about it all with a clear head."

Nodding, she looked back down. "You think I can do this?"

"I _know_ you can do this." Letting one of her hands go, he turned and picked her mug of tea back up. "Have a drink. You'll feel better about it all."

She took the cup silently and sipped at it, her mind clearly miles away. Pulling his leg down and setting both feet on the floor, he took up his own mug of tea, drinking gratefully from it. He knew she could do it, he hadn't been lying when he said that. And he couldn't recall a stronger woman. Working with her really had been something he loved doing. Kept him on his toes, though in ways far different than Cassidy had.

She would pull through, and he hoped that he would be there to witness the triumphant moment when she came out on top. It couldn't be that far off, knowing her.

Knowing her... that in itself was an experience, one he wouldn't soon forget.


End file.
